The Bachelorette Review – Episode 8

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Apollo got a second single date to kick off this episode and, oh my word, it was as close to heaven as you can get.

Sophie took him to play with some puppies and they all just rolled around on the grass having the best time.

It was pretty much perfection. I want all of those dogs. Someone take me to this magical place ASAP!

They did Dog Yoga, which apparently is called Doga because everything has a sweet abbreviation these days.

It was bloody hilarious, and I tell you what, I think I’m falling for Apollo. I’ll have his number if this doesn’t work out.

He got a rose and a pash so he was safe for another week.

The group date saw the boys race each other on yachts.

Jarrod took it super seriously, as we’ve come to expect. He was barking directions and screaming “tacking!” so often he looked like he was in a war zone in an action movie trying to save the world from nuclear annihilation.

Blake took a different approach and stood back, giving Sophie a neck massage. Boom. That’s how it’s done. That got her attention quick smart.

Blake won the extra time with Sophie, and her explanation for why he earned that showed just how close he was to elimination.

“I don’t want to get rid of someone I haven’t got to know properly.”

They hung out on a boat and Blake started opening up about his feelings and all that. I knew he was faking it though. He’s an absolute player in the real world, and you can just tell he was wheeling out the one-liners that work on drunk girls in the clubs.

“It kind of feels right,” Blake said. No mate, it doesn’t. You’re in it for your 15 minutes for sure.

Later on, his buddy Sam got a second date, thanks to that godforsaken double delight rose she shouldn’t have given him in episode one.

Sophie did her best to work out who he was, but he continued to behave like an egotistical lunatic, which explains his Trump-inspired hairstyle.

He started telling her how he can help her with her work, and I was like, mate, she’s a millionaire and you’re a try-hard. Step off.

“Does he want to be my boyfriend or my agent?” Sophie was onto him.

She never really got to the bottom of that, because he just kept talking himself up and how he’s tried to ‘fix’ his girlfriends in the past. He didn’t get a rose, so the writing was on the wall.

At the cocktail party, Sophie went to chat to Jarrod, most likely out of pity because he did all the hard work on the yacht and nobody cared.

Of course, he brought up that bloody pot plant. Good news for those keeping tabs on its progress: It’s growing. Hallelujah!

While that was going on, the two besties Blake and Sam had a chat about how they wanted to be in the final two, which was a dumb conversation on many levels, but mainly because they were clearly wishing severe heartbreak on the one who came second to get that plan off the ground. Idiots.

They couldn’t have been further off the mark. Two guys had to go home and AJ was one. He went without a whimper. I’m not even sure if he said a word the whole time.

Sophie asked everyone except Sam and Blake to leave, and then quizzed them one last time to work out if there was anything behind their smug smiles worth keeping around.

Blake chucked Sam under the bus with this soppy line: “I messed up, you’re amazing. I don’t want to go home. I already see you and me together. I fell for you. All I want to do is take care of you.”

So much for having each other’s backs. Sam was sent home and guess what! Home visits next week. Boo yeah.