The PUN-ter’s Tips – Ladbrokes Caulfield Guineas Day

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G’day,

I’m the PUN-ter, one of the new resident tipsters here at Ladbrokes. Now, while some of my colleagues may specialize in being actual experts tipsters, that’s not what I was hired to do. I’m here to give you tips based purely on the names of the horses. It’s much more fun that way. Prior to becoming the Pun-ter I worked as a banker, but I lost interest.  Since starting here at Ladbrokes I thought there would be a bit of chemistry with my fellow tipsters but I haven’t got much of a reaction.

On with the tips and on with the puns!

CAULFIELD

Guinea’s day is another piece of that tasty spring racing pie so I’ll have ANOTHER BIT (Race 1, number 1). The second race of the day is an UNDOUBTABLE MISS (Race 2, number 4) and if you were to bet on it you would be REWARDING LAUGHTER (Race 2, number 18). When people ask me what my favourite song is from the 90’s I tell them  SHE’S SO HIGH  (Race 6, number 8) by -Tal Bachman, in fact I’ll probably get the DJ in the corporate tent to play that at the post-race party. “What’s your tip for race 9?” you ask well, THE ANSWER MY FRIEND (Race 9, number 15) is right before your eyes.  As my friend looked at the form guide he said: “Who are you backing in the last race?” I just nodded to him which my friend responded I THOUGHT SO (Race 10, number 8)

RANDWICK

A lot of people DON’T GIVE A DAMN (race 1, number 12) about the first race of the day. I was at WORKDRINKS (race 3, number 7) just recently where some highly confidential information came out but that’s all BEING A SECRET (race 4, number 1) which the bloke who told me will keep quiet about because he is a MAN OF HIS WORD (Race 5, number 2). If you heard the hot bit of gossip that I’m talking about you didn’t hear it from me because I’m CLEARLY INNOCENT (Race 7, number 5)

DOOMBEN

My missues always has some great tips for the races in Brisbane, after all you DON’T DOUBT DA WIFE (Race 3, number 10). YOU SAY NO WAY (Race 4, number 17) that my wife is an expert on Brisbane racing and that’s fine but NOW YOU SEE (race 5, number 14) I got the quaddie last week just on her tips alone and the HOT GOSSIP (race 5, number 9) is she could be snapped up as a tipster for another rival bookmaker in an offer that is TOO GOOD TO REFUSE (race 8, number 5)

MORPHETTVILLE

There’s a PRESUMPTION (Race 1, number 8) out there I’m not that into the races in Adelaide but that’s not true. I’m dedicating this meet as ONE FOR MAX (Race 3, number 6) an old friend of mine from SA that loves Morphettville. There is NODOUBTABOUTIT (Race 5, number 1)  that after you’ve had a few winners CASH IS COMING (Race 5, number 17) to your Ladbrokes account.  Did I tell you that despite being married I’m still on Tinder so if you come across my profile be sure to SWIPE ME RIGHT (Race 8, number 13)

THE REST

Back in my university days, I wrote a whole essay on Winston CHURCHILLS SPEECH (Albury Race 6, number 4) during WWII which got me into trouble for plagiarism, therefore, I was sent to the NAUGHTY CORNER (Gold Coast Race 1, number 4) for my troubles.

I’m told the lineup at the races on the Gold Coast this Saturday is BIGGER THAN TEXAS (Gold Coast Race 4, number 1) and YOU SAY NO WAY (Gold Coast Race 7, number 5) but I’m telling you it’s true.

If you’ll excuse me I’m off to get some cough lollies as I’ve been feeling a but HORSE of recent.

Happy PUN-ting this Saturday!,

The PUN-ter.