G’day folks,
It’s the PUN-ter here.
Remember when I said spring racing carnival was BOOM TIME for a guy like me? What more can I say, picking winners on puns pays.
Never ever stop PUN-ting.
Did I tell you guys that my misuses loves the COX …plate?
Now let me tell you a tale or two from the life and times of the PUN-ter.
LADBROKES MANIKATO STAKES (Friday Night)
Despite tipping the winner of the Caulfield Cup last week I’m not as SMART AS YOU THINK (Race 6, number 6). In fact it’s UNREALISTIC (Race 2, number 11) to think that picking horses based on puns all the time can DEMONSTRATE (Race 8, number 6) excellent knowledge of tipping winners. I think I get my passion for puns from my mother – she was quite the punter IN HER TIME (Race 7, number 9)
Who knows maybe HISTORY REPEATS (Race 6, number 8) and you know what? I’M FEELING LUCKY (Race 6, number 1) about getting the winner in the Manikato Stakes so sometimes it’s worth to GIVE US A GO (Race 3, number 7) when picking a winner this Friday night at the Valley. The SUSPENSE (Race 8, number 12) of getting a winner this race meet feels like HELL ON EARTH (Race 2, number 9)
My brother, Sam is coming down from interstate to the Valley this weekend. He claims he joined the MILE HIGH (Race 5, number 13) club on the plane down but I don’t believe him in the slightest it’s not a good look for SAM’S IMAGE (Race 4, number 4). He’s a bit of an odd one Sam, most of us think he’s the BLACK SHEEP (Race 3, number 2) of the family.
I look forward to dinner with him though – I always like to order the RIB EYE (Race 2, number 4) from the dining room at the Valley as does my brother. I don’t mind the salad they have on the side as well although Sam likes to USE THE LOT (Race 2, number 5) and I never get enough for me. I remember last time Sam was looking sick but fortunately, there was a medical professional on hand “HEY DOC (Race 7, number 4) – can you help my brother out?” I said. Turns out the dressing gave Sam food poisoning, I was DODGING BULLETS (race 1, number 5) not eating that.
LADBROKES COX PLATE DAY (Saturday)
You’ll never guess who I ran into at last year’s Cox Plate! My mates mum – MISS BLUMENTHAL (Race 1, number 9) SHE’S POPULAR (Race 4, number 11) with all of our mates from school days. She’d always look after us, a real FIVE STAR GAL (Race 1, number 8) she is. Although, in my younger years when I was into my EXPERIMENTATION (Race 3, number 8) phase let’s just say she made a SOUND PROPOSITION (Race 8, number 8) to me which was something straight out of the Dustin Hoffman movie, The Graduate. IT’S SOMEWHAT (Race 8, Number 1) ironic that happened given I assumed she was a HAPPY CLAPPER (Race 9, number 1) with all the religious stuff around her house. I guess she always thought I was a COOL CHAP (Race 6, number 1)
It was good seeing her anyway because at the time it was looking like I was going to be SANCTIONED (Race 10, number 2) by the authorities for my tips but as I thought they had NOTHIN’ ON ME (Race 7, number 7)
At the end of the day, I was exhausted. I got the train back home, put my favourite band of all time BLONDIE (Race 4, number 6) on Spotify and then went straight to my new bed which I recently purchased from Forty WINX (Race 9, number 8)