Cobie’s date with Matty was a pisser.
Literally.
He took her horse riding, and before she could get into the saddle the horse had to pee.
It was super awkward and went on forever, but Cobie remained positive as usual.
“I’m glad he’s hydrated, that’s really good”.
God bless her.
They had a water fight in the stables, before heading to a couch for a D & M.
At this point I’m just relieved this date isn’t on a boat.
Good on Matty for changing it up. Finally.
All was going well, and then Cobie revealed she’d written a poem about Matty.
Not even joking, Cobie wrote him a poem.
That is one risky af manoeuvre.
Luckily for her it went down well, and Matty asked if he could keep the poem.
I couldn’t tell if he was being polite or was actually impressed. It wasn’t a poem that rhymed, so I’m a bit out of my depth in judging whether it was any good.
He gave her a rose, which reminded me she probably should have written a poem that started with “Roses are red…”
I mean, it writes itself.
Anyway, Cobie was up and about after her poem was declared a hit, so she said she wanted to kiss Matty but was afraid he’d pull away.
He said he wouldn’t, but it would have been great TV if he did.
As he leaned in, the evil part of me still thought there was a chance he would.
But he committed and they pashed. So that’s two in two episodes and suddenly goody-two-shoes Matty has become a player. I didn’t think he had it in him.
The next day Matty rocked up to the girls house in a Hyundai. I know it was a Hyundai because of all the shots of the Hyundai. So many angles, I thought they went to an ad break for a moment there.
When he arrived there was the usual screaming and hysterics.
Someone even yelled, “It’s our boyfriend!”
This show is weird.
All the girls went along to the group date. As the camera panned around I realised I didn’t recognise at least three of them and I’ve watched every minute of this show. Where did they come from? Are they subbing in randoms now?
Osher and his beautiful hair explained the aim of the date, which was to basically play a life-sized board game, where they’d roll a dice and move around the board answering questions about Matty.
The best bit was that before he explained it, one intelligent girl noted: “Normally when there’s a dice around, some kind of game is going to be played.”
Beautiful words.
During the game, Cobie won a free kiss from Matty but turned it down because, in her words, “the girls would kill me, literally”.
Leah had a different take on the situation.
“I would have loved to have kissed Matty in front of everyone, to make everyone unsettled. Maybe that’s just me.”
Man, she’s cold.
There were some decent sledges, but in reality that board game was just the warm up for the cattiest cocktail party we’ve seen so far this season.
Cobie was hung up over how she turned down the kiss from Matty at the group date. She couldn’t get over it.
It was quite odd, given she’d literally made out with his face earlier in the episode.
Before my eyes she was turning into a Stage 5 clinger.
She had that look in her eye. She couldn’t be reasoned with.
As Simone was just opening a conversation with Matty, Cobie the Clinger walked over and interrupted, asking if she could talk to him.
To say Simone was raging is an understatement.
She went back to the group and vented what happened and it was like she took the pin off a grenade and hurled it into the party
Jen went from zero to 100 as expected.
“She’s a bitch. That girl is a hustler.”
Leah went all high and mighty.
“That was super disrespectful. It didn’t sit well with me.
So Leah stormed over to Cobie the Clinger and Matty and let her know she’d upset the girls.
She returned to the group with this tid bit of info: “Hand on heart, she said, ‘I don’t care’”.
It kicked off. Everyone lost their minds. It was on. Jen and Leah in full flight are quite the force of nature. It was like a cyclone hit. Sledges were dished out left, right and centre, feeding the hysteria which was rapidly getting out of control.
But Laura wasn’t buying Leah’s version of events.
“The way you said it makes it sound like it was nasty.”
Seriously Laura, now’s not the time to be sensible! Let the crazies go for it! So annoying.
For being the voice of reason, Laura became as bad as Cobie the Clinger.
Jen turned on her, saying she was out of line.
It was super tense, but the girls had to bite their lips at that moment because Cobie the Clinger and Matty re-joined the group.
Not a word was said. You could literally hear crickets.
Or cicadas. Whatever they were. Details.
So that made for an awkward Rose Ceremony.
Leah was typically cocky going into it: “I’d be surprised if I went home, and a little bit offended.”
She didn’t have to worry, because Belinda missed out and was bundled into the limo.
A good result, as it keeps all the crazies on the show.
And now we wait for next week’s instalment.