Before we do any puns let’s get this out of the way – Race 1 the Bumble Stakes no.12 Still Single. They’ve done my job for me.
If you’ve tried to use my tips before and haven’t been impressed with what’s on offer, I urge you to give me ONE MORE TRY (Race 2, no.12)
As punters and racegoers STAMPEDE (Race 8, no.1) through the gates at Flemington for the race that stops a nation, allow me to DEMONSTRATE (Race 9, no.8) how my method of no form, no analysis and just puns can find you a winner on Cup Day IN GOOD TIME (Race 10, no.10).
Melbourne Cup Day is a day for everyone. From your corporate high flyer to your everyday TRADESMAN (Race 8, no 5) it’s something special where even the everyday little Aussie battler can feel FIRST AMONG EQUALS (Race 9, no.2) and there’s no SINGULAR SENSATION (Race 5, no.8) of the horse you backed being first past the post down the Flemington straight.
Yet again, I’ll be in the birdcage at Flemington tomorrow wearing my BLACK ON GOLD (Race 8, no.10) outfit, which should be a RUNAWAY (Melbourne Cup, R7, no 21) success with fashions on the field in 2018. The bubbly is sure to be flowing as a CHAMPAGNE BOOM (Race 1, no.1) hits Flemington.
Back to the birdcage, if my marquee is anything to go by I should see some big name celebs. Last year there was former Collingwood player/2011 Brownlow Medalist Dane Swan who kept giving me racing tips all day and insisted I take them, I was like FINE DANE (Race 5, no.7) I’ll take your tip, despite the fact it lost. Pass me ANOTHER SHAMPZ (Race 5, no. 11), this is going to be a long day.
There was also former Jennifer Hawkins. Talk about an absolute BEAUTY (Race 6, no 5)! The moment she walked into the tent, JEN RULES (Race 6, no.14) the room. However, the person who I recall making the most impact in the tent with former Melbourne Victory forward Bessart BERISHA (Race 4, no.2) he was GOING GAGA (Race 3, no.18) by the end of the day, at one stage I had to tell him to CALMYOURFARM (Race 1, no.4)
Now, I know the majority of people who go to the birdcage aren’t there for the races, but for those like me who are I hope they at least do a SOUND CHECK (Melbourne Cup, R7, no.6) so we can at least hear Matt Hill’s call of the race but the BEST SOLUTION (Melbourne Cup, R7, no.1) would be to put up more viewing points and more TV’s to actually see the race.
Hopefully, I can get out of Flemington a little bit easier compared to Cup Day last year It was a disaster. I couldn’t get a train and the Uber surge price was x2.8 so I decided to walk home instead. Strolling down Flemington Road was hard with my feet in such pain and I was also very hungry thankfully I could smell that KENTUCKY BREEZE (Race 3 no. 16) coming from KFC and proceeded to finish the day with an Ultimate Burger Meal. It was a great choice.
So, PUN-ters enjoy your Melbourne Cup Day. You don’t always need to be SHERLOCK HOLMES (Race 4, no.7) to find a winner just a bit of luck and a good pun.
Happy PUN-ting,
The PUN-ter.