The Adventures of The PUN-ter: 2017 Melbourne Cup

Ever since I’ve come on the scene as a tipster with puns and puns only I’ve been able to ROCK THE WORLD (Race 1, number 10) of racing writing. For a racing FANATIC (Race 4, number 2) like myself, there’s nothing quite like Melbourne Cup day. The whole event is BOOM TIME (Melbourne Cup, Race 7, number 15) for the racing industry. The SATURATION (Race 1, number 8) of racing coverage is of a DIVINE QUALITY (Race 3, number 12) and there’s plenty of  BIG MONEY (Race 9, number 4) going in DOLLAR FOR DOLLAR (Race 3, number 4) from punters and PUN-ters alike.

I didn’t have the best of luck with my tips on Derby Day so I’m going to need to TURN IT AROUND (Race 8, number 5) and make an IMPROVEMENT (Race 10, number 10). Come HELL OR HIGHWATER (Race 2, number 1) I will get some winners on Cup Day. However, There may be the odd PLOT TWIST (Race 4, number 10) here and there but that’s racing.

I’M TELLING YA (Race 9, number 18) for a LINGUIST (Race 2, number 13) like myself I’m here to make things a bit more interesting SO YOU TOO (Race 9, number 12) can back a few winners here and there. I live a LIFE LESS ORDINARY (Race 8, number 10) than most but my puns WAIT FOR NO ONE (Race 5, number 3).

I can’t wait to place a few bets on the Ladbrokes app with my new iPhoneX I purchased the other day. I hope I don’t smash the screen but It won’t be the end of the world if I do as it’s still on WARRANTY (Race 6, number 6).

I had an interesting experience at the Melbourne Cup last year, I ran into an old flame of mine, Kara. KARA’S HOPE (Race 1, number 7) the whole time is that we’d be REKINDLING (Melbourne Cup, Race 7, number 22) our old SLY ROMANCE (Race 4, number 11) from back in the day, but we’ve TRIED AND TRIED (Race 9, number 11) to make things work but it’s just not meant to be. We’ll always have that time on BONDI BEACH (Melbourne Cup, Race 7, number 8) but one SINGLE GAZE (Melbourne Cup, Race 7, number 22) into her eyes reminds me of how much she broke my heart when she ran off with some US ARMY RANGER (Melbourne Cup, Race 7, number 14) called THOMAS HOBSON (Melbourne Cup, Race 7, number 21).  Anyway, I’m better off without her, she was a SUPER SNOB (Race 6, number 10).  I spent most of the day with my mate Roger who is a detective, he recently  did a bust on a massive PIRACY (Race 5, number 5) racket and the way he talks about his job he thinks he’s SHERLOCK HOLMES (Race 4, number 15) or something.

I’ve seen some random celebrities around Flemington at the cup. One year I saw TORVILL (Race 6, number 1) of Torvill and Dean ice skating fame and I also ran into DERRYN (Race 9, number 2) Hinch yet again. Hinch was like “Aren’t you the guy I hung out with on Derby Day?” to which I replied “Yep, that was me”, “I THOUGHT SO (Race 9, number 15)”. I also had some nuffies in the crowd say I looked like KRUSTY (Race 3, number 4) the clown due to my frizzy hair. Hilarious.

Melbourne Cup day is hard work. Especially at the end of the day when the carpark can resemble a SWAMPLAND (Race 10, number 11) and some of the stuff I’ve seen happen on the NATURE STRIP (Race 5, number 8) outside the course is quite disturbing. Overall, there’s no day quite Cup Daty and that’s why we love it.

Happy PUN-ting!

The PUN-ter.